Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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