I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
