I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i now understand why vodka
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
