so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
