If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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