my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just tell him i said nine months
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
