I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
