my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Found your dick twin last night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
