I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
