when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
