I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
