tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
