Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
