you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
