and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
