Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
A bitchslap is in order.
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