i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
