just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
that is very illegal...i love you.
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