Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
