I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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