he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
