We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
