so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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