Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
