We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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