chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Green mimosas i think yes
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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