I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
