This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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