I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
