Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
