u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
