I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
