Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.

Fav 21 5205 1550
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(310): View more from California

I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers

Fav 4 2599 1164
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well

Fav 7 1408 3844
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(424): View more from California

you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes

Fav 5 3148 938
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(316): View more from Kansas

I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.

Fav 4 1801 751
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(765): View more from Indiana

Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!

Fav 5 2015 917
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(228): View more from Mississippi

I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?

(601): View more from Mississippi

probably "functioning vagina, must touch"

Fav 4 1780 895
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(+52): View more from Mexico

I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth

Fav 2 424 791
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(847): View more from Illinois

How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.

Fav 0 12 36
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