I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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