Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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