Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
