your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
