we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
