Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
