Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
