Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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