I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm just crazy horny about you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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