hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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