NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
