My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We need to get me chipped asap
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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