The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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