Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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