Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
