I wannas sexs uuuuu
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
