I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
