I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
