final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize