Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
