Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
