Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
