Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
