So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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