Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
