Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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