My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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