Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
