I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
