I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
