she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
