Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize