Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
