He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
