Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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