I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
