Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Houston, we have a squirter
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
