is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
