Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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