You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize