so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
