Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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