singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize