moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
