No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm like, not good at living.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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